Ask Mr Milo™
Readers Write Back - Comments from the greater
Ask Mr. Milo community 

The following letter was in response to the September 29th inquiry related to Bubbles
September 30, 2006
 
Dear Mr. Milo,
I am rather distressed that your Bubbles inquirer and the responder overlooked the basic facts of Bubbles’ abuse at the hands of one Jackson. 


Bubbles reacted warmly to one Jackson's 
friendly approach to pre-puberty chimps.  Of course, Bubbles’ mother was not in attendance to help her offspring understand what is right and what is wrong.  But, Bubbles became quite agitated when he heard one Jackson  rehearsing to record a master disc of "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" to be included in a future Fantastic Land Recollections CD.   Fortunately it was never mastered.

The well known P.O.C.T.A. somehow overlooked this serious situation.  I heard of the problem and acted immediately, on a pro-bono basis, to protect Bubbles from continued sexual abuse at the hands of "one" J.

A privacy clause prevents me from disclosing full details of the settlement but it was big bananas, including a substantial sum set aside for lifetime psychological assistance and care to help Bubbles though his later years of childhood and his full maturity. His mother was found in the San Diego Zoo and has been most helpful to Bubbles.

I take no credit for this outcome.  Bubbles was one of the most forthcoming and cooperative clients I have ever represented.  
Jim Panze, J.D. Esq.


**********
Clyde Nut Case Finally Cracked
July 27, 2006
Dear Mr. Milo:

I can't help but comment on the paucity of postings on your site since your return from the Greek Isles and the absence of any posting during your absence.  I'm mostly puzzled due to fact that I, being an invalid with lots of nothing to do, have spent a great amount of time perusing the links on your site.  I've seen pictures of the magnificent edifice at One Ask Mr. Milo Plaza, Alamo, CA.  I've read of your corporate values and hiring practices.  My question to you is, "What have you got to show for all this?"  If your corporation really exists, what were your employees doing while you were researching the sequel to Brokeback Mt. with some lonely Greek sailor?  It certainly wasn't reading and/or answering the great volumes of mail you must receive on a daily basis!  Fire them all!!  And what about since you've been back?  I realize that certain portions of your anatomy must be sore after your "research trip" but won't you please take a hint from our great Secretary of Defense, Donald H. Rumsfeld.....get one of those stand-up desks he uses, bend over (if you still can) pick up your computer and place it on the stand-up desk.  Stand up, type, and answer some g-damn letters!!!
The Good Mayor
Clyde, CA


To the readership:
It will likely not surprise the readership that Mr. Milo received notice from Mrs. Clyde that the Good Mayor’s inpatient psychiatric treatment commenced on Monday, July 3rd.  All of us in the Ask Mr. Milo community wish him well and hope that treatment is such that he can safely and productively rejoin the greater Ask Mr. Milo Community in the near future.   Upon his release, it is expected that he will again be found on Thursday evenings dancing in front of the stage with the other bizarre dancers at the free concerts in Todos Santos Park, Concord, CA.
 

**********

Dillon swears he is right
June 26, 2006

Dear Mr. Milo:
I was distressed to see that your film recommendation section listed the piece of shit excuse for a movie 'Bad Santa', but did not have 'Blade Runner'.   What the fuck is up with that?!?!?!?!
I did make some suggestions that every film recommendation list should contain. (Blade Runner, Lantana, Delicatessen, Strictly Ballroom).  Most are listed in the Top 250 Films Of ALL TIME.  

I was surprised to see that the groundbreaking 2002 Academy Award winning film 'Ask Mr. Milo' was not on IMDB's top 250 Films list. It must be a huge oversight.
Jasper Dillon

Dear Mr. Dillon:
Over 6,000 movies are released each year – to imply that a movie must be on an official list to be considered worthy of watching is unrealistic.  Mr. Milo’s recommendations are simply a list of viewing selections that might be useful for the readers of this column.  Mr. Dillon’s suggestions have been added to the Readers’ DVD recommendation column.

It is surprising the JD did not like Bad Santa as the language skills used by both JD and the actors in Bad Santa is quite similar.  Perhaps Mr. Dillon would benefit from taking up a form of meditation to find the inner calm necessary for him to communicate in a manner more conducive to a positive discourse.  

**********
December 3, 2005
Mr. Milo:
...-  I was a bit surprised to see that AMM is incorporated and that Mr. Milo Inc. has such fancy digs.  I always wonder in such cases if the corporate profits rest on the backs of underpaid workers from third world companies. (For example, tapping into an underpaid Chinese workforce could explain AMM's knowledge of chi.)   Also, in my own mind I imagined Ask Mr. Milo  to be the workings of a solitary man, one who is quietly leading a double life and diligently working during the day at some 9 to 5 job. But...that just shows that even an Ivy League education has its limits.
-  From what I have read about humor and literary tastes, it is somewhat specific to the person and the context. For someone like me with a thoroughly WASPish, New England breeding, discussing flatulence is of poor taste, even when addressed with the sensitivity of Ask Mr. Milo.  On the other hand, I found the Chinese web site about chi to be very very useful.  Re context: Those who aren't from Alamo may not realize the prestige of a Lake Suzette location. (And I hope the post office at 1 Alamo plaza can handle all the mail that will arrive.)
-  I am not a lawyer, but it seems to me all your capital letters should cover any liability issues--with the possible exception of people contributing to the foundation before it has legal nonprofit status.
-  There seems to be a security flaw in that I was able to access the corporate site twice, rather than just once as the screen indicated. The memos revealed a high level of attention to the detail of daily corporate life. I was surprised, however, not to see an announcement for a holiday party. Punishment for the missing carafe?
- What about the Ask Mr. Milo Merchandise? I thought that was in the works and would be an excellent marketing tool.
A.T.
Walnut Creek, CA
*******
December 2, 2005
Hey, Mr. Milo;
Finally.  My prayers have been answered.  Priase the Lord.  Clearly, He has  spoken to you and directed you to share your wisdom with His suffering children.  And we are grateful, both to the Heavenly Wise One and to you--his Eartly Representative.  It is truly G-d's work you are doing, Mr. Milo.  Who else would even have attempted, let alone solved, the Parable of the Movie Aisle?   It may look like a simple etiquitte question, but, it truly speaks to our constant search for spiritual direction.

Thank you and Thank Him. . . . .not necessarily in that order.
S. Southland

Home